If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
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The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
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A couple had three children. Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly, and backward.
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One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, Tell me the truth, dear, is this third child really mine?
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Yes, dear, replied the wife, but the other two are not.
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When a bachelor marries, his wife has three qualities she is an economist in the kitchen, an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed. After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain, but not in the same order she is an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in the living room and an economist in bed.
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, It really works!
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I asked my wife, where d o you want to go on our anniversary?
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She said, somewhere I have never been!
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I told her, how about the kitchen?
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During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?
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The hubby replied : yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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